Dr. Krista Jordan's Blog

The following article appeared on time.com last month and is a HUGE topic in my work with couples. One of the first things I try to teach couples is that memory is faliable and so the “he said/she said” fight where one person opens with “when you said/did _____” and the other person fires right back “THAT’S NOT WHAT I SAID/DID!”  to which the other now disbelieving partner yells “Oh my gosh YES IT IS!” followed by something like “I remember EXACTLY what you said, it was Tuesday and we […]

“An Introduction to PACT Therapy” will cover the fundamental aspects of PACT therapy that make it so distinctly different (and arguably more effective!) than other forms of couple’s work. If you have avoided working with couples for fear of the complexity this talk will help excite you to the possibilities and show you a clear and coherent model that is elegantly simple. If you already work with couples and find that there are particular couples, dynamics or situations that y […]

Spirituality and Mental Health

For many decades, spirituality, and even more so religion, was considered to be at odds with psychology and psychiatry. It is true that Sigmund Freud, arguably the inventor of “the talking cure”, was not a fan. However, as with everything in life, things change. Psychology is no longer as opposed to spirituality and religion as it’s creator may have intended it to be. Personally, I am a researcher by nature, so as with all questions I like to consult the data.  I realize that m […]

Some time ago I published a blog on the “Care and Feeding of your Island/Avoidant Partner”. For those of you unfamiliar with the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), “Islands” and “Waves” are the terms coined by Dr. Stan Tatkin to help people understand attachment styles and how they show up in romantic relationships.​”Wave-ish” partners have a few hallmark qualities that can help you identify them. They tend to like to talk, especially at night as they ar […]

I recently came across an amazing article that really helps to delineate the difference between attachment parenting, which is a style of parenting that promotes specific behaviors like co-sleeping, breastfeeding and “wearing” your baby, versus secure attachment, which is more about repeated patterns of moment-to-moment attunement in interactions and how repairs are made (or not made). While many parents, myself included, would like to think that practicing attachment parenting guaran […]

I get this question a lot. So I decided to write a blog post about it. Now, of course first you need to realize that you cannot control another person. Believe me, I have tried and tried hard. I like to say that I am just stubborn enough and strong-willed enough and persistent enough that if anyone COULD control another person it would be me. And I have always failed every time I tried.  So please realize that. You cannot force another person to do anything, least of all couples therapy. […]

​One of the clearest definitions of love addiction I have seen is “a compulsive, chronic craving and/or pursuit of romantic love in an effort to get our sense of security and worth from another person.” Or, if you prefer something more pithy, author Ethlie Ann Vape calls it “affection deficit disorder”. She goes on to say that “Every woman with an absent father– whether through divorce, death, disease or distance– is going to associate feelings of affection wit […]

VICTIM. RESCUER. PERSECUTOR. That about covers it sometimes, right? Ever feel like you are in some weird play where there are always the same three characters? One person is getting screwed, one person is the hero trying to rescue that person and one person is the villain who is always seen as the bad guy. Which one do you most often get cast as? And how can you get out of that dynamic?​That dynamic is called Karpman’s (Drama) Triangle. I would love to say that I invented t […]

Triggers, What Exactly Are They?

You hear the word “triggered” a lot these days, often tongue in cheek if you have hung around any teenagers. So what is it? Is it a real thing? What therapists probably mean when we are talking about being “triggered” is usually related to some earlier wound or trauma.  At it’s most severe form it is when a person who has Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is exposed to something that reminds them of t […]

In a nod to the Irish, who have been noted to have  “a tear in the eye and a song in the heart”, I decided to revive a former blog on crying today. People often remark that they “need a good cry” and feel better afterwards. I’ve been curious about the underlying mechanisms involved in crying and just why it seems to help us feel better. Dr. Judith Orloff,  Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, has done some research on this very subject.  She explains that […]

What do you see? A cute puppy with floppy ears? Or two cats with a hear hovering between them? Or both? And what might predict which image you see first? Growing up with dogs? Owning a cat? To me as a therapist one of the most useful things about optical illusions is to show us that we can’t necessarily trust our perceptions. Remember the blue versus brown dress controversy? I would have sworn on my life that dress was a golden color and had not a hint of blue in it. The actual statistics on wh […]

There is a saying that expectations are resentments waiting to happen. I have to say that personally every time I find myself sitting with a resentment it has boiled down to that. I had expected that a person would do something (or not do something) and they did not act as I had expected. ​ find myself feeling perturbed or sometimes downright angry about it. It’s that kind of self-righteous indignation that can feel so powerful and intoxicating. It has real lasting pow […]